i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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