my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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