Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
