She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
