the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
