Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize