someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
