I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
