when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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