Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
