I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
