That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
