I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
