hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
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