she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
