Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
