Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
