I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
