I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
