yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i believe in u and ur pee
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
