I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
