yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
