So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
