I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
