Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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