Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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