just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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