i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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