youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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