if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
