Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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