I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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