sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
