I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
