just come out here and I will go home with you...
I looked at my own cervix.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
