I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
