The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
