You made me cry and you don't even care
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Everything about him screamed your future.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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