a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
