just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You ate ashes out of my bong
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
