im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
