Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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