I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
