I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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