ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
