Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
