So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm both gender and math confused
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
