is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
