Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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