I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
