I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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