he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You are the jesus of drinking
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
