Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
