I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
