I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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