Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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