Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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