One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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