This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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