YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
