note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
