Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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