Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
