Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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