did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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