Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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