good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
