**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
