the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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