I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize