I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
