you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
