Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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