found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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