Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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