I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I need water and some morals
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
