Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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