You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
